Lesson details
- Objective: Students practice a three-part repair (name it, own it, offer something) after a small social rupture, without over-apologizing.
- Time: 22 minutes
- Grade band: 6–8
- CASEL competency: Relationship skills
Materials
- Scenario cards with small ruptures (snapped at a friend, shared something private, left someone out of plans)
Steps
- Distinguish rupture sizes: this lesson is for small ones — snapping, excluding, a joke that landed wrong. Big ruptures need adult help.
- Teach the three parts: name what happened ("I cut you off in front of everyone"), own your part without "but" ("that was me being impatient"), offer something ("say the rest — I'm listening").
- Show the counterfeit versions: the non-apology ("sorry you felt that way"), the over-apology that makes the other person comfort you, and the silent treatment restart that skips repair entirely.
- Pairs draw a scenario and script the three parts. Then swap roles so each student practices receiving a repair too.
- Close: what makes receiving an apology awkward, and what response helps ("thanks for saying that" is enough).
Debrief questions
- Why does "but" cancel the ownership part?
- Which is harder — giving the repair or receiving it?
Variations
- Add a delay round: the rupture happened yesterday and things have been weird since. How does the script change when you also have to reopen the topic?
- Connect to advisory or homeroom conflicts (in general terms only — never restage a real, identifiable incident).
What mastery looks like
- Performs the three-part repair (name it, own it, offer something) without a 'but'
- Spots the counterfeit versions — the non-apology and the over-apology — in examples
- Receives a practice repair with a simple acknowledgment instead of dismissal or pile-on
What tends to go wrong
Never require a public apology from a real conflict as part of this lesson; forced repair teaches performance, not repair. Keep all practice inside fictional scenarios.